blackwhitevidy

Do you ever think about your own selves? (never, I think. Hah.. that's the truth!)
Do you ever think for your own selves? (always, I think. Selfishness)
Bahkan orang-orang berpikir untuk menghancurkan diri mereka sendiri.

Gua kembali berada di tengah orang-orang seperti itu. Mungkin. Atau perasaan gua aja?!
I'm going back to the big black dark cold hole. What should I do next? Be selfish again like the past? Like the others? So I can survive and win.
I even started to feel that "the old me is back". I don't want it. It's not good, It's the worst thing that I ever thought.

Save Me.

Terkadang gua menemukan hal baru yang membuat gua kaget berat, y'know just like it's scared you to death (sama aja boss)
Menemukan kehebatan teman-teman atau orang sekitar gue. Atau hal-hal yang baru gue ketahui, hal yang tidak disangka, dan bisa diragukan kebenarannya. Ditambah dengan kelemahan gua mengingat sesuatu yang cukup penting, yang terkadang harus diingatkan berkali-kali. Sorry for this.

Untuk hal yang pertama, tentang kehebatan orang-orang terdekat atau teman-teman. Gua nggak nyangka aja punya orang sehebat mereka di sekitar gua. Baik hebatnya skill mereka atau strength mereka yang terkadang membuat gua terkaget-kaget sampe loncat-lonacatan kaya kodok. Dan saat itu juga gua berpikir, "Dia Hebat".

Dan untuk hal-hal yang baru gua ketahui tentang mereka, tentang fakta yang selama ini mereka hadapi atau mereka punya tanpa gua ketahui sebelumnya, mereka menyembunyikannya dengan sangat baik. Pretend like they're never get that. You're Great.

Walaupun ada beberapa hal yang msih dipertanyakan kebenarannya. Untuk satu hal yang baru banget gua tahu, baru aja. Gua harap itu bukan dia yang dia ceritakan. Kalau pun itu benar, Dia Hebat.

Mereka Hebat, Gua Juga!

Kalau nggak mau bilang aja, nggak usah ngehindar atau berdalih dengan seribu satu alasan yang kadang-kadang terlihat dibuat-buatnya. Toh gua nggak akan maksa atau melakukan hal yang buruk ke loe. Kalau loe pada kaya gini, malah bikin kesel, tau!
Kalau ngomomngin alesan loe melulu, yaa orang malah tambah maksa. Langsung bilang aja sih, "NGGAK MAU". Beres.

kesel deh gua jadinya --."

Sensasinya dengerin lagu pagi-pagi pakai earphone di pinggir jalan raya sendirian sambil menunggu teman untuk kerja kelompok. Tepatnya melakukan ketiganya sekaligus di tempat pemberhentian *)bus/bis. Kalau lagi sepi, serasa orang di seberang jalan bisa mendengar apa yang terdengar melalui earphone tercinta, efeknya adalah memperkecil volume seketika. Kemudian beberapa saat akan ada segerombolan mesin yang lewat dan membuat lagunya tidak terdengar, efeknya adalah memperbesar volume. Jadi, kalau sedang mendengarkan lagu dengan keadaan seperti itu, jarinya menari memainkan tombol volume, bukan melakukan sesuatu yang lebih penting.

Sensasinya ngeliat awan mendung. Everybody's just in hurry. It's just funny. Mengendarai kendaraan mereka dengan hati-hati atau pun tidak. Memenuhi rasa keengganan untuk berbasah ria bila terlambat untuk mangkat ke tempat tujuan atau untuk terjebak di suatu tempat dan harus menunggu lama untuk melanjutkan perjalanan. Mereka pun memacu kendaraan mereka, termasuk para pejalan kaki, mungkin termasuk diri gue sendiri secara sadar atau pun tidak. Ambil positifnya aja, biasanya jalanan nggak macet.

Sensasinya baca novel. Serasa masuk ke dunia "mereka" yang sebenarnya adalah dunia nyata atau pun khayal sang pengarang yang memaksa gue merasakan perasaan sang pengarang. Masuk ke pikiran pengarang dan membuat gue berkhayal tentang apa pun dalam novel itu. Sometimes I think about, what if that's me, the character in the novel. Maybe I'd feel that awesome-great-magnificent-hurt-sad-happy-fun-lost-or I just felt nothing. And I could do anything that I can't do in this real reality. Go to another world, escape the fate, run away, time leaping, adventure, run as fast as I could, scream as loud as I could, fly as high as I would, read another mind, hide in the shadows, dive while breathing, jump over the roofs, be a shape-shifter, ninja, magician, knight, warrior, vampire, ghost, or just a normal person. And all of my thought about, that's what makes me the one of the normal person in the world and and it makes me be a big part of my own novel.

Sensasinya nonton film di bioskop. Memacu adrenalin, akibatnya debar jantung meningkat.. deg-degaaan. Rasanya gue juga ikut main di film itu haha..

Sensasinya nonton film di bioskop, jalan-jalan, belanja atau makan sendirian. Seperti anak ayam kehilangan induk, bingung. Gua bisa dibilang nggak jarang  melakukan hal-hal tersebut, kadang-kadang tanpa tujuan malah. Jobless memang, padahal sebentar lagi gua kuliah, amiiiin o:)
My next destination : BIOLGY IPB!

See yaa in the next sensation..

NB : *) coret yang tidak perlu

Tengah malam begini harusnya gua udah tidur. Tapi nggak bisa, padahal ngantuk. Buka web nggak  ada tujuan, buka ini, buka itu, nggak jelas. And finally, I've decided to do something.. blog-walking and blogging and posting *yaaay! very something haha? padahal besok nanti gua sekolah (berhubung jarum panjang dan pendek di dinding, di tangan, di atas meja, bahkan di ponsel sudah menunjukkan pukul dua belas lewat)

My head was oversized

I'll take the high road like I should

You said it's meant to be

That it's not you, it's me

You're leaving now for my own good

That's cool, but if my friends ask where you are I'm gonna say

She went down in an airplane

Fried getting suntanned

Fell in a cement mixer full of quicksand

Help me, help me, I'm no good at goodbyes!

She met a shark under water

Fell and no one caught her

I returned everything I ever bought her

Help me, help me, I'm all out of lies

And ways to say you died

My pride still feels the sting

You were my everything

Some day I'll find a love like yours (a love like yours)

She'll think I'm Superman

Not super minivan

How could you leave on Yom Kippur?

That's cool, but if my friends ask where you are I'm gonna say

She was caught in a mudslide

Eaten by a lion

Got run over by a crappy purple Scion

Help me, help me, I'm no good at goodbyes!

She dried up in the desert

Drowned in a hot tub

Danced to death at an east side night club

Help me, help me, I'm all out of lies

And ways to say you died

I wanna live a thousand lives with you

I wanna be the one you're dying to

Love...but you don't want to

That's cool, but if my friends ask where you are I'm gonna say

That's cool, but if my friends ask where you are I'm gonna say

She went down in an airplane

Fried getting suntanned

Fell in a cement mixer full of quicksand

Help me, help me, I'm no good at goodbyes!

She met a shark under water

Fell and no one caught her

I returned everything I ever bought her

Help me, help me, I'm all out of lies

She was caught in a mudslide

Eaten by a lion

Got run over by a crappy purple Scion

Help me, help me, I'm no good at goodbyes!

She dried up in the desert

Drowned in a hot tub

Danced to death at an east side night club

Help me, help me, I'm all out of lies

And ways to say you died

source

You told me how proud you were but I walked away

If only I knew what I know today

I would hold you in my arms

I would take the pain away

Thank you for all you've done

Forgive all your mistakes

There's nothing I wouldn't do

To hear your voice again

Sometimes I want to call you but I know you won't be there

I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do

And I've hurt myself by hurting you

Some days I feel broke inside but I won't admit

Sometimes I just want to hide 'cause it's you I miss

You know it's so hard to say goodbye when it comes to this

Would you tell me I was wrong?

Would you help me understand?

Are you looking down upon me?

Are you proud of who I am?

There's nothing I wouldn't do

To have just one more chance

To look into your eyes and see you looking back

I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do

And I've hurt myself

If I had just one more day, I would tell you how much that

I've missed you since you've been away

Oh, it's dangerous

It's so out of line to try to turn back time

I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do

And I've hurt myself

By hurting you

source

Hell..oo again, readers! (walau gua yakin mungkin gaada yang baca) :p

Dari kemaren, pengen banget nge-post. Tapi setelah mengetik dan masuk ke alamat blogger and after klicking the pencil sign (create new post), kemudian muncul kolom kosong yang seharusnya gua isi.. I almost always said "it's all gone" *dooong semuanya meluap, menghilang, gone, dissappear, dan sejenisnya --."
dan akhirnya gua menutup kembali tab yang udah gua buka itu tanpa meninggalkan sepatah kata pun *haah
why human can forget about something, even it's an important thing..

hal : besok ulangan biologi bab 2

kewajiban : merangkum

fakta : rangkuman belum selesai

penyebab : bingung

ngga nyambung --."

okay, tomorrow we will take the exam and we have to make a summary. that's actually not an obligation. but if you want to save your score, you have to.
and i have to. but

gua bingung deh gimana ngerangkumnya --." bab yg gua rangkum adalah bab metabolisme, bab yang diakui paling ribet, bahkan sama gurunya sendiri.dalam buku paket, penjelasan anabolismenya nggak jelas, jadi harus nyari sendiri. dan gua menemukan di sebuah web :
fotosintesis melalui dua tahap, reaksi terang (reaksi hill) dan reaksi gelap (siklus calvin).
nah, di web lain ketemu juga :
siklus calvin melalui dua tahap, reaksi terang dan reaksi gelap.
blaaaaaarrrr ....
dan seketika gua menghentikan penulisan rangkuman, membuka blogger dan mengepost --."

biologi oh biologi ...
masa depanku... amiiiiin :D
SEMANGAT! *ngelanjutin rangkuman

nggak tenang boss perasaan

let me out of here \(-^-)/

vidya

do you ever feel that you might like someone but you're not sure about that? and suddenly, your friend tell you that she likes that someone. you'll think again and be jeallous. but you don't even know that you like that someone or not. thant's nut --."

Hate it all. I hope it's just for now.
Just be cool and think clearly. Maybe I was just be flowth by my emotion..
Just think..

Remember..

Malam ini, *koreksi Dini hari ini, gua mengerjakan tugas B.Indonesia lamarn pekerjaan yang harusnya udah gua selesaikan sebelum pukul 12 tepat. Tapi terntyata gua udah ngantuk duluan pukul 08.30 WI bagian Vidya yang kemudian membuat gua tidur yang pede aja "gua bakal bangun 1 jam lagi. Dan ternyata gua bangun jam 2 pagi, dan tugas gua belum gua terusin sama sekali. Dan gua udah 2 kali gantu folio bergaris *baru 2x.

Gua teringat dengan kata-kata salah seorang teman, tepatnya temannya teman-teman gua. "voodool" buak "fudul" yang jelas gua nggak tahu tulisannya yang benar gimana. Tahu laaah.. bahasa Indonesia sekarang udah makin banyak, hehe :P. Dan kata itu ia tuduhkan kepada saya. Entah apa yang ia pikirkan. Menuduh semua orang di dekatnya fudul? Jangan ngomong sembarangan mentang-mentang pas lu nengok gua langsung ngeliat BB lu yang mahal itu --." (walaupun Alhamdulillah gua juga pake BB *pamer) .. Gua kira kan lu mau ngomong sesuatu gitu makanya gua ngedeketin kuping gua ke lu dan melihat benda dekat yang lain dan kebetulan yang pas tempatnya yaa BB lu yang lu pegang. Dan tiba-tiba lu ngomong fudul sama gua? Padahal dari tadi gua ngga ngeliat BB lu sama sekali (nggak membaca gitu, ngeliat mah iya) dan memperhatikan dengan saksama hal yang lebih penting daripada melakukan tidakan fudul *ngetik sampe ada suaranya

Okay, itu curhatan gua. Nggak penting, tapi risih kalau nggak diceritain. Sebel aja.. kenapa kebanyakan orang ber-negative thinking. I know they have a reason. But don't do that all the time, please --." It makes everybody's resentful included me.

I know, sometimes I've got that feeling (negative thinking) and I try to trust everyone beside me. And you know, most of them betrayed me *lebaaaaay but that's really happen. Be lied or be left. But that's in the past, please forget it, Vidya. You're already in the high school and you know which one is the right thing.
And when I wanted to post this, I see some post on the dashboard and see some people's writting.
I realized one thing (this post). So, I decided to change my post from fudul to.. y'know the title, you can read.

back to the task SLP .. --."

udah lama banget ngga ngepost *sigh
kangeeen banget rasanyaaa *kiss'n'hug (nyiumin PC.. hidiiiih)

dengan ini saya mengucapkan terima kasih kepada teman saya yang menyuruh saya untuk membuka blog orang yang benar-benar membuat semangat nge-blog meningkat kembali *yeah!
di sini saya tidak akan membahas alasan lain kenapa teman saya itu menyuruh saya membuka blog tersebut.

Sebenarnya semua orang di sekitar kita itu selalu membuat inspired. No matter who. Known/unknown. They just got it. Always get it exactly.

every people inspires each other
everyone's inspired by everyone

haha *ga jelas ih
maaf ya lagi pusing

concentrate to refresh my self, my memory, my soul (~_~)
it's difficult enough =.=zZ

-vidya fatimah astutiputri-

what a terrible problem
what a socking day
what a strange place
what a weird thing
what a dainty gossip girl
what a nerd guy
what a savory meal
what a fresh drink
what a solid bone
what a n invigorate friend
what a bizarre moment
what a beautiful us
what a wonderfull life

-vidya fatimah astutiputri-

I close my eyes
so I can't see your face
I want to do that forever, but I can't
or just become blind? it's not enough

I fly away from this earth
so you're not be able to hear my voice and we can't even take a conversation
but I can't fly
or just become mute? it's not enough

I dive in the ocean
so I'll never hear all of your sh*t
but I can't breathe
or just become deaf? not enough

finally, I decide to end up my life
so I'll never through the life with you anymore
that's enough(?)

hoax itu antara percaya dan tidak

Saya Keberatan!
Saya Keberatan! Dengan anda.
Saya Keberatan! Dengan keputusan sepihak anda.
Saya Keberatan! Dengan keputusan anda yang merugikan.
Saya Keberatan! Dengan semua beban yang anda titik beratkan kepada saya. 
Saya Keberatan! Memikul beban sebanyak ini.
Saya Keberatan! Memikul beban sebesar ini.
Saya Keberatan! Memikul karung beras yang ga ada habisnya ini.
Mindahin dari sana ke sini. Emangnya ga capek apa?!


--."

yo!
udah lama banget kayanya gua ga post lagi. mencurahkan segala perasaan gua yang smpe gua lupa mau cerita apa.
setelah gua buka blogger.com lagi, pasti kebuka dashboard-nya dulu dong. kemaren gua liat post temen gua yang udah lama banget ga gua kunjungi, hingga aku baru mengetahui kabar ia yang sebenarnya *lebay.. tiap ke sekolah juga ketemu --."
dan semuanya udah berubah, bahkan gua ga bisa tau siapa dia sebenarnya, ga bisa ngenalin mayatnyanya sama sekali *ih, apa sih --."
okay, back to the main topic.
barusan gua liat post baru temen smp gua. dia meng-insert sebuah gambar dalam post tersebut yang bertuliskan "we're affraid to care too much for fear that the other person doesn't care at all". y'know? it made me realized that 'sometimes i do that' and thats not only for the fear, sometimes it even happens for the other persons. When they didnt care about someone elses, sometimes i feel that i shouldnt care about that person. so mean --."

Oh, God. Forgive me for being like that.

And now, Im affraid if i do that again. Do you affraid?

thank you.
you give me the inspiration.
you give me something, not nothing ( just some of you! haha )

I'm sorry for being like this.

Kamis, 16 Maret 2012
Jadwalnya pergi ke rumah Diarekta buat ngurusin tugas kelompok drama, latihan tepatnya.






Ha ... ha .. *ketawa maksa
Itulah yang gua udah gua lakukan kemarin. Pergi ke rumah Diarekta pake seragam sekolah (cinta banget gua ama sekolah, haha). Padahal kan lagi liburan seminggu. Untung aja libur, kalau ngga ya duit gua tambah cekak, bisa ke sekolah tapi ngga bisa pulang --." .


Berhubung bulan ini banyak banget pengeluarnnya yah jadinya gitu dah. Jelasin deeh sama gua ... Gini, kakak gua seminggu sebelum liburan sakit (lama), sebenernya sekeluarga pada sakit. Akhirnya gua sma kakak gua dianter pake mobil berangkat ke sekolahnya, tapi pulangnya naik angkot T_____T. Dan ada beberapa hari gua harus naik angkot berangkatnya karena yang nganter, alias bapak gua keluar kota. Huwwaaaaaaaa !
Tau ngga sih, ongkos dari rumah gua ke sekolah dan sebaliknya itu banyak --." belum lagi kalau ternyata udah sore, angkot 32 jarang banget, apalagi yang ke Pagelaran lebih jarang lagi, terpaksa naik angkot dua kali. DUA KALI PEMIRSA, DUA KALI! *lebaay baaanget
Dan sekarang kakak gua masih dianterin. AKU TERANCAM! semoga aja pas hari senin udah ga dianter lagi, jadi naik motor kaya' biasa. Amiiiiiiiin ....


Ok,kembali lagi ke permasalahan awal. Anda tidak punya uang? Anda harus pergi? *enggeus ah.. sakali --."
Jadi hari kamis itu gua berangkat pake seragam supaya ongkosnya lebih murah. Kan kalau pake baju bebas ditungnya bukan anak sekolah, jadi lebih mahal --."
Ada untungnya lagi, paginya gua dianterin sma ibu gua, jadi uang yang harus dikeluarkan berkurang. hiks .. terharu sekali
Dan kemarin, pas pulangnya ternyata membutuhkan ongkos sebesaaaar *jeng..jeng.. Rp 12.000,- (baca : dua belas ribu rupiaaaaah). Untung aja masih cukup.


Kyanya kalau uang bulanan tetep kaya' sekarang dan gua harus pp rumah-sekolah setiap hari, ga bakal muat deh --."

Jadi, ada yang mau ngasih ongkos lebih?
hehe :p bercanda ko'

I know that, it's my fault, but you don't understand (no)

I got memories, this is crazy

You ain't nothing like the girl I used to know

Good with ma, good with pa, cool with all my niggas

I should try, truth is I wanna let u in, but no

Damn these memories, and it's crazy

You ain't nothing like the girl I used to know

[Bridge]

Girl I really wanna work this out, cause I'm tired of fightin'

And I really hope you still want me the way I want you

I said I really wanna work this out, damn girl I'm tryin'

It's no excuse, no excuse

But I got this

[Chorus 2x]

I got this icebox where my heart used to be (but I got this)

I got this icebox where my heart used to be (said I got this)

I'm so cold, I'm so cold, I'm so cold, I'm so cold

I'm so cold, I'm so cold, I'm so cold

Why can't I get it right, just can't let it go

I opened up, she let me down, I won't feel that no more

I got memories, this is crazy

She ain't nothing like the girl I used to know

I don't mean to take it out on you baby but I can't help it

'Cause my heart is in the same ol' condition that baby left it

And I, I apologize, for makin' you cry

Look me in my eye and promise you won't do me the same

[Bridge]

Girl I really wanna work this out, 'cause I'm tired of fightin'

And I really hope you still want me the way I want you

I said I really wanna work this out, damn girl I'm tryin'

It's no excuse, no excuse

But I got this

[Chorus 2x]

I got this icebox where my heart used to be (but I got this)

I got this icebox where my heart used to be (said I got this)

I'm so cold, I'm so cold, I'm so cold, I'm so cold

I'm so cold, I'm so cold, I'm so cold

[2x]

I don't wanna be stuck up in this cold cold world ('cause I don't wanna be)

Don't wanna mess this up better keep your eye on me girl 3x

[Bridge]

Girl I really wanna work this out, cause I'm tired of fightin'

And I really hope you still want me the way I want you

I said I really wanna work this out, damn girl I'm tryin'

It's no excuse, no excuse

But I got this

[Chorus 2x]

I got this icebox where my heart used to be (but I got this)

I got this icebox where my heart used to be (said I got this)

I'm so cold, I'm so cold, I'm so cold, I'm so cold

I'm so cold, I'm so cold, I'm so cold